Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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