so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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