The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize