Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I just sharted jello shots
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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