the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
