I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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