quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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