went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
