I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
