If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
