I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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