I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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