Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
