she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
