glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
