Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
