You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
