this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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