Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
