Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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