You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
