when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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