then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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