we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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