Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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