I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
