Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
