You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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