White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
