we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
