Small penises have feelings too.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
