watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize