so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
