shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
