I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
