The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
