We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
