The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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