Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
