Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
