oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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