Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize