oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
last night I used snow as a chaser
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
