ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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