Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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