I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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