You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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