____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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