Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
