you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
high people should be assigned attendants
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
