You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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