Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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