There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
