make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
