I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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