I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
