She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
