Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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