he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
