THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
