Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
