think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
